My "Stone of Remembrance" for 2015

Happy New Year!

In college at Simpson, I remember they began a tradition of "stones of remembrance." It was based on Joshua 4 and the idea of laying stones to help the Israelites remember what God had done for them. We would have chapels where students would get up and share a story of what God had done in their lives and then lay a "stone of remembrance".  

  As I was looking back through our pictures of 2015, I realized what a good year it has been overall, full of changes, some heartbreak, and many blessings.  I felt I needed to lay down my "stone"...which is this, a blog marking the things God has done in our lives this last year of 2015...  

  Major events of the year include a fairly serious back injury, wrapping up our massive home renovation, becoming landlords, a mission trip, lots of travel, a resignation from teaching after 15 years, infertility, and the journey of adoption.  Yes, all that wrapped up into one year.   Most of you probably know the details, since the historian in me likes to chronicle everything on either a blog, or Facebook, or Instagram, if we haven’t been able to see you in person to share the journey.  

Just before Christmas of 2014, Chris blew out a disc in his back, which put him out of commission for a few months.  We were grateful that while the injury was serious, the exact location of the disc bulge meant it was not pressing as hard on the nerves that would have put Chris in severe pain and likely would have led to back surgery. Luckily, his boss loves him and his job is very flexible, so it actually decreased the ridiculous amount of travel he had done the previous year.  One perk of all that travel in 2014 was that it had earned him a companion pass on Southwest, so that meant I was able to fly free with him wherever he went in 2015.  Teaching at Godinez Fundamental High School, especially as the first year at a new school, limited that travel.  

We found out in April, after I had a minor surgery for my endometriosis, that we would not be able to have children without undergoing a very expensive procedure that had fairly low chances of success.  Adoption has always been an option for us, so that was the path we decided to take after much mourning and prayer.  Chris has been a solid rock through all this, and we felt God guiding our steps the whole way, working out details for us and giving us the strength we needed.  We felt so strongly that God would bring us the children He wanted in our family - either through a miraculous pregnancy or through other means such as adoption. We decided to give, as an offering, the amount of money we thought we would need to do a round of IVF to our church in their mission to expand their services to reach out to the community through initiatives like the PEACE center and the Orphan Initiative.  We did this in faith God would provide.  

Originally, our plan was to do foster to adopt.  We had looked at all our options, attending county foster care and private adoptions meetings.  We looked at different organizations and eventually decided to begin the process with Olive Crest, a non-profit Christian family service agency.  I had felt led to do foster care since I had been awakened to the reality of the need for good foster homes after a particular student I had in my class years ago who was in foster care.  I had told God years ago that if he wanted me to do foster care, He would need to provide me with a husband to partner with, because I could not do it on my own.  It all seemed to be falling into place.  

In the meantime at the beginning of summer, Chris and I left on our first mission trip together to serve with Oyate Concern in South Dakota, working with the Lakota youth on Pine Ridge Reservation.  It was my second time there, Chris’s first.  We drove out there, because I LOVE road trips, and it worked out with sightseeing and Chris being able to work in Utah on our way home.  Chris was amazing, using our learned skills from our house renovation to help on construction for some new classrooms at the mission school.  We worked with the kids, and it felt so right for the two of us to partner in ministry to children that had a lot working against them.  We absolutely loved our team members and it was so incredible to see how God is moving through the missionaries at Oyate.  It’s come a long way since I was there nine years prior.  

After our mission trip, we traveled across South Dakota to see the home of one of my childhood heroes - Laura Ingalls Wilder.  We also spent time at Mt. Rushmore and the Black Hills.  The 4th of July was absolutely crazy in the capitol, Pierre.  We’ve never seen chaotic fireworks like that ever.  The prairie was so beautiful, covered in green grass and wildflowers. Chris scheduled his time in Utah for work the following week, so we were able to explore after his day at work, and on our way home we stopped at Bryce Canyon and Zion.  It was a truly unforgettable trip of beauty, nature at it’s best.  

Shortly after arriving home, I put in my resignation, feeling God had opened the doors for us financially to allow me to be a stay at home mom for the foster kids we hoped to have in our home.  I didn’t want to quit mid-year and I was feeling burnt out from my job and the drive anyway.  I decided I would do substitute teaching closer to home, so that I could earn some extra money until the foster care certification was completed and also get a foot in to a district closer to home in case I needed to go back to work.  That was very scary; I have been a teacher for fifteen years, supporting myself and being financially stable.  To let that go was scary, but we felt it was the right move.  

Midsummer we made a short trip up the coast with the dogs for one week to Monterrey, where Chris was working and the dogs had the opportunity to explore the beach.  Hannah, as far as I know, has never been to the beach, so the waves were something new for her.   At the end of August, I was able to join Chris on one of his work trips to Colorado so we spent time exploring the Rockies and northeastern Colorado. 

Somewhere around that time we had a call from Olive Crest, and while they loved us, our two dogs were too much of a liability for them with foster children in our home.  Fairly devastated by this news, being faced with either giving up our dogs, which you know how attached we are to our dogs, or doing foster care, we thought long and hard and prayed about the right next step.  Hannah is now somewhere around ten or eleven years old, and her age is beginning to show.  She was in doggy foster care when I adopted her, and the attachment she has made, to me especially, was something I was deeply concerned about in her last few years if she were placed in another home, if we could even have found another home.  Nova is our little cuddle bug, and having already faced the loss of being able to carry a child, I did not think I could deal with the heart break of giving up my dogs as well, especially if there were other options.

  Believing God had temporarily closed the foster care door, we looked at our option, which included revisiting the option of IVF.  It certainly led me to question my choice to resign and the timing of it, knowing we could have used that money to do private adoption or IVF, and between our pledge of offering and my quitting, we didn’t think we would have the resources to take on anymore of a financial burden. After a few weeks of prayer, research, and weighing the options, we decided private adoption of a newborn, while expensive and not sure how to finance it, was the way we were being led.  As always, God provided the means to pay the expenses the same exact day we made our decision to seek private adoption with a surprise raise from Chris’ boss.  It came with some added responsibility, but nothing Chris couldn’t easily handle.  It was truly mind blowing to us how God just shows us over and over that He will provide.  

Chris is also one of the most resourceful people I know, so he always has some little side businesses as well to boost the income, and ways I could help him out.  I had been anxious over not working and the cost of our health care, but I’ve always been pretty good at living within my means.  I had been concerned about having to cut back on the lifestyle I was used to (while teaching is not a lucrative profession, being single with no children made it a comfortable lifestyle).  I knew to stay at home we would have to make sacrifices, and I was ready to make those sacrifices for something more meaningful than material comforts. I will say that Chris has been very happy about all the cooking I do these days and says how wonderful it is that I’m so much more relaxed. 

In early September, my niece Emma, stayed with us for three days.  I was able to do the whole mom thing - take her to school, pick her up, make her lunches, help her with homework.  What a joy it was!  I know the daily grind of all that is much harder than doing it for a few days, but it just makes me look forward to the day when Chris and I will have that.     

The best added benefit to resigning is that I’ve been able to travel with Chris at times I have never been able to before because I was teaching.  We went to Virginia at the end of September, and I’ve always wanted to see the changing of the leaves out east.  We were a little early because of the long summer this year, but we managed a day trip to West Virginia, up in the Appalachians, where we found full color.  Then, one more day trip to Washington DC, which Chris had never been to, and flew home.  

I started taking some sub jobs, which I enjoy, and like being able to pick places near home so my commute is never over 30 minutes, and with grades or subjects that I enjoy.  I also have held a few classes teaching about essential oils with doTerra and now make a lot of our own home products.  I’ve gone from being a teacher with such little time and energy to do anything creative, to doing all kinds of new things!  I think all the cooking and cutting out preservatives and junk food (for the most part) have really helped with my digestive issues too.  

Mid-November, I attended an orientation for Bethany Christian Services.  I love their program and their mission.  They are there to serve women who find themselves in a crisis pregnancy and for those wishing to find a good family raise their children.  I felt so good about the adoption specialist, and they have said our dogs would not be a problem.  We are excited to work with them, and have paid the application fee.  We think this is the door God has opened, and while I want to do foster care in the future, I am excited about this process.

Thanksgiving found us on the farm with my family in Arizona.  The dogs love it, and we love being with our family.  We returned to a family reunion on Chris’ side, and then one day later boarded a plane bound for Pennsylvania.  This time, with our niece, Katie, joining us.  She saw my Facebook post about the trip and asked her parents to join us.  We were absolutely thrilled to take her.  She loves history, so it made my teacher heart happy, to have someone to explore with.  We had the best time exploring Philadelphia, all decked out for Christmas, and then spent one day in Amish country before heading to NYC to visit Chris’ sister, MJ, for the weekend and explore the city more.  What a great time we had traveling and getting to spend time with family!

We were supposed to go to Portland a week after returning from Philly, but that trip was cancelled and will be rescheduled sometime in winter, after Chris’ companion pass has expired.  He did not travel enough this year to earn it, but we are so thankful for this opportunity to have traveled so much together, serve together, spend time with family.  We are excited, and nervous about what will happen with the adoption process with Bethany, but trusting that God has His plans and timing.  One thing is for sure, that watching Chris with my nieces and nephew, the children on the reservation, and his care for people in general, I know he will be an amazing father. 

Christmas season was fun and hectic, with lots of family parties.  I hosted our annual Stiles women Family Tea at our house and enjoyed getting to catch up with my cousins and meet a new little cousin added to our family this year.  We spent a lot of time with Chris’ immediate family playing games and eating.  Chris helped me make fudge for the first time.  He was the “soft ball stage” expert and the final stirrer, so together we have become candy makers.  It’s a good thing that the Thanksgiving to New Years time is only a few months of the year…we can’t sustain eating like this, and now it is time to lose all those pounds we’ve added.  

To finish off the year, we took my littlest niece, Bethany to the San Diego Zoo.  I’ve decided to  do more experience type gifts with my nieces and nephews instead of buying toys or other forgettable material items.  We had taken my oldest nieces to the Getty Villa last spring, Greg’s girls to the zoo also in the spring, and Kevin’s kids to the Safari Park.  Chris and I bought memberships which made it the year of seeing wild animals.   

  All in all, it's been a good year, even with all of its ups and downs.  There have been some rough days, but each time I choose to place my trust in God and leave things in His hands, it only strengthens my faith.  I know He will get me through.  I leave you with this, one of my favorite passages, found in Philippians 4 - 

10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.